


The One That I Love

by ObiFin



Category: Ballum
Genre: Angst, Blood and Injury, Break Up, Emotional Sex, Established Relationship, Father-Daughter Relationship, Fights, M/M, Romance, Rough Sex, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-15
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-01-30 23:35:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21436537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObiFin/pseuds/ObiFin
Summary: Ben is in love again, but he doesn't always handle it well. Callum is in a real gay relationship for the first time, and sometimes struggles to find his way, and still stay true to himself. Ben knows that Callum holds the power to save him from his past and himself, but before he can truly embrace a happy normal life he has to first face himself. Loosely connected to cannon with a twist here and there.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 9
Kudos: 81





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic in years. I love these characters. The dragon wants to play with them, so give it a try, drop me a line, tell me who you are, feel free to either praise or complain, and let's see what happens to Ben and Callum in my hands! Cheers!

Chapter 1

“Mmgh, you do know what you’re doing to me, don’t you?” Ben murmured. He was still half asleep. He reached up, and caught a hold of Callum’s hand on his hair. 

“Don’t stop me!” Callum whispered back. “I love touching you.” He resumed stroking Ben’s hair. Ben moved in his arms so he could look up into his eyes. 

“Come on then, touch me.” Ben challenged. Callum’s hand slipped behind Ben’s ear, then pulled him closer. Ben moved like water, eager as Callum as was. Callum’s lips felt so soft, it made Ben’s heart ache. What did he ever do to deserve to be treated like this? 

Ben raised his hand touching Callum’s face as they deepened the kiss. Callum nipped Ben’s bottom lip teasing his insatiable lover. Ben slid up on top of Callum with the predatory skills of a wildcat. 

Callum’s free hand caressed Ben’s back keeping him close. Ben pulled back with a gentle nip in kind to Callum’s tongue. He looked into Callum’s eyes, and smiled. “Better be careful, I could get used to this.” He warned. Callum’s arm tightened around him. So could he. 

“Step one in my plan accomplished then.” Callum shot back. Ben’s eyes roamed over Callum’s face. He didn’t hide his desire. He wanted to devour him alive. In one fast move, Callum wrapped both arms around him, and rolled them onto their sides. 

“Control freak!” Ben’s protests were silenced when Callum’s tongue pushed its way back into his mouth. 

Without mercy Callum kissed him hard, making his intentions clear. Callum was going to fuck him senseless, and all Ben wanted to do was to surrender to him. That was the fun of it though. This dance that they did. They moved in perfect unison with each other. 

In the world, outside their diorama, Ben was a psychopathic opportunist who would run over anyone to make an easy buck, but when they were alone, he wore no mask or played any character. 

Callum knew the real Ben: the little boy who desperately needed to be loved, and no amount of love would ever be enough. He knew his fear of being cast aside, and of being left behind, maybe even forgotten. He had already lost one that he let so close to his heart. Losing another would kill him, and he lived with the pain. For Ben, to fall in love again was the greatest risk of all. 

Callum’s hands were everywhere, roaming, cataloging, exploring. Ben was close to losing his fucking mind, and would soon start begging. God how he wanted to beg for Callum’s love, and touch. He laid his pride down to be himself with him, and Ben would never regret. Callum’s teeth kissed the sensitive flesh under his jaw causing his whole body to tremble. 

“Don’t stop! God, don’t stop!” Ben moaned. Callum answered by biting him harder in the exact same spot. Ben’s body pushed hard against him. He wanted, and needed for every inch of his skin to be in contact. No barriers. No shame. Only then, is he free of the pain, as it releases it’s hold at his throat. . 

Callum’s hand pushed Ben gently back to where he was. He continued to trail a path of butterfly kisses along Ben’s jaw to his chin, then stopped to look at him.Ben was gone. His eyes were heavy lidded, and glossed over. Callum smiled. He felt loose and pliable under Callum’s hands. Relaxed. 

He loved possessing the power to do this. With his hands he was able to turn Ben’s body into an instrument that made beautiful music only for him. His heart raced at the sight of his wanton lover. He’d never tire of Ben, or share him with anyone else ever again. Ben was his now. Forever. 

“Kiss me,” He whispered. Ben’s hand reached for Callum’s face. His fingers ghosted over Callum’s features. Callum moved his head lining his fingers to touch his lips. He kissed the calloused tips as they slipped across. He nipped at them. Ben moaned his approval. 

Callum moved closer, needing to be closer. Ben’s hands were everywhere, then inside his boxers. Callum took his time kissing him. He was in no rush. He didn’t have to be at work for another two hours. 

He tried to take Ben’s hand away but he refused to be denied. Callum let his wrist loose, and drew a line up Ben’s side with his fingernails. He could feel every inch of flesh react to the gentle scratch. His hand slipped behind Ben’s neck, an anchor to steady himself. Ben’s hand had him thrusting in rhythm with his fist. He panted against Ben’s mouth. He didn’t want to fall over the cliff, so soon. . 

“Not gonna last long if you do that.” He breathed. 

“But I love it when you do that!” Ben panted back, then let out a guttural moan that sounded like an animal. Callum grabbed Ben’s hand stopping what would be an embarrassing accident. 

“Come on. Come all over me,” Ben whispered. “Show me what I do to you Babe.” 

Callum forgot to breathe as Ben resumed that insatiable stroke that he did so damn well. Callum didn’t want to think about how many other men he’d done this to. He buried his face into Ben’s neck. He breathed in deep, intoxicated on how Ben smelled. Like home.   
“Damn!” Callum moaned, as he lost complete control of his body. Ben freed him from his material prison. Callum lost another few hundred thousand brain cells when he realized, true to his word, Ben’s hand was rubbing his cum all over his body. 

“You smell so good.” Ben purred in his ear, and followed his words up with his tongue. Callum’s hand shot up to Ben’s head to try to control all of the feelings he was feeling everywhere, all at once. It was useless, as every nerve in his body was awake now. He had no control. 

“Nothing I do ever lets me get as close as I want to be to you” He breathed into Callum’s ear. Callum tried to pull Ben back by his neck. He was drowning. Ben pushed his hand away from his head, and wrapped his leg around him as he fused his entire body to him, each trying to burrow into the other’s skin. Then, silence. 

Ben’s touch was soft on Callum’s head as he stroked his hair in rhythm with his breath. Callum whimpered. He felt like he was a thousand miles hovering above the earth. Ben was the ocean beneath him. He wanted to free fall down into him, into safety, but not just yet. For now he would remain in space. 

“Babe!” Ben whispered. “I need water, and then we can start round two.” Callum smiled. There would also be a round three and four and five if he had anything to say about it. It would take that many or more to get them to intercourse, but how was he going to explain his tardiness to Jay? He sighed. Best not to be late. 

“Water?” Callum asked. “I can’t move.” He moved his head on the pillow, not opening his eyes. Suddenly he felt very tired. Ben, on the other hand, who never seemed to run short of energy, was already gearing up for the second round. Callum had wondered once or twice, when they first met, where Ben got all his energy from. Sure, Ben drank a lot of coffee, but caffeine could only take you so far. 

“I don’t want to get up?” Ben murmured snuggling beside Callum’s head. “Ben Mitchell down.” He paused, smiling to himself. “I have a hard to satisfy boyfriend.” Callum kicked him playfully in protest. Silence filled the room as they both surrendered to sleep. 

“Give me ten minutes, I’ll go get it.” Callum slurred, stirring just at that moment before darkness engulfed you completely Ben licked his lips. He really had to go take a leak too, but he wasn’t moving for that either. 

“Much appreciated Babe!” Ben slurred back, then became dead weight at his lover’s side. . 

…………

Callum was dazed as he stirred Ben’s coffee. He stared at the spoon as it clicked against the side of the mug, going round and round. It was hypnotic. His mind drifted back to last night. The memory was so close, it was as if he was really kissing Ben again. He smiled as Ben’s hands touched his hips from behind. Callum felt Ben’s hard body move close at his left. 

“Some days I don’t even stir it at all.” Ben said over his shoulder. Callum looked down at the mug, and laid the spoon on the counter next to it, then he gripped the sides of the counter with both hands. 

“Sorry, I guess I wasn’t paying attention.” Callum said. Ben leaned closer, and kissed right in front of his ear. 

“It’s afterglow Babe.” He gave his boyfriend a brilliant smile, as he grabbed the mug. Then, he walked to the sink, and turned around to face Callum, leaning up against it. Callum watched him take a taste, relieved that he didn’t flinch. 

“Alright then?” He asked. 

“Perfect.” Ben beamed. “So what’s on your card to do today?” He asked, and kept drinking. Callum picked up his own coffee, black, and leaned back against the counter, mirroring Ben’s position.

“Paperwork mostly unless something comes up, dinner with Stuart, drop off a few things at the drycleaners, oh, and I’m hooking up with someone after work.” He listed off his day on his fingers. Some might say his life was boring, he preferred to think of it as relaxed, and social. 

Ben pushed with his ass off the counter, and walked over to stand in front of him. He laid his mug down behind Callum, then put a hand on each side of him gripping the counter, trapping Callum in his arms. 

“Meeting up with some bloke after work you say?” Ben was staring at his face inquisitively. “Why is this the first I’m hearing of it?” Callum reached around Ben’s arm to lay his mug down safely, then rubbed Ben’s hands. 

“No, I’m sure I mentioned it before.” He smirked, then added in a whisper. “Or maybe it was just a thought in my head, cause my mouth was too full to speak.” Ben bit his bottom lip, and shook his head. Why weren’t they back in bed where they belonged right now? 

“Do you kiss your boyfriend with that mouth?” He asked. Callum’s fingers threaded into Ben’s so he was holding his hands on the counter. 

“Mmm, speaking of my mouth, I really want to tell you something later, yeah?” Callum answered lustfully. He watched Ben’s adam’s apple bob as he swallowed. He knew Ben’s mind was spinning trying to guess what it could be. 

“I have no idea.” He sighed. “Are you pregnant Babe?” 

Callum tutted. “No.” He rolled his eyes, and shook his head. “How would that even be good news?” 

Ben looked at him offended. “Are you saying you wouldn’t want to have my baby?” 

“Umm, no.” Callum scoffed. “I’ve been with you for like two point five minutes.” Ben frowned. That was true. 

“But if we were together longer then?” He asked. Callum stared at him like he was crazy. He opened his mouth, and shook his head. 

“How is that even?” He let out a breath. “Yeah, sure. I’d love to have your baby.” Callum kept shaking his head at him in bewilderment. Ben nodded, lost in thought. 

“That’s all you had to say Babe.” He said cheerfully. Callum glanced away to gather his thoughts. 

“About later? Meet you at the Vic?” He asked. Ben leaned in close. Callum melted as his tongue licked his ear. Ben gave a sound of approval but Callum didn’t know if he was agreeing to meet him later or he was approving of his taste. He didn’t care. He grabbed Ben’s head in his hands and kissed him as deep as he could. 

He was going to be late for work….again! 

…………………

“What is up with you?” Jay asked. He was staring at Ben stuffing food in his face faster than he’d ever seen him before. 

“I worked up an appetite.” Ben muffled through a mouthful of his mum’s pancakes. 

“I figured.” Jay frowned. Ben swallowed, and washed it down with a mouthful of coffee. 

“Speaking of which, we really need to talk about getting Callum a new work suit.” Ben said. Jay looked at him confused. 

“He was wearing it today. Looked fine to me.” He squinted his eyes at his brother. “What did you do to it?” Ben looked offended. 

“Nothing…...yet, but I swear to God if you don’t dress him in something else, it’s going to be torn to bits.” He sighed, as his eyes drifted off to the side. Jay shifted suddenly feeling rather uncomfortable. 

“You don’t have to share everything you know. Some things you could just keep private.” He grumbled. Ben looked at him, but he was so lost. 

“Have you noticed how that fabric hugs him? Perfection.” He bit his lip, and stared at Jay leaving no misinterpretation of his thoughts. 

“Alright! That’s enough! I’m happy for you yea, but I really don’t want to know.” He looked down at the other half of his lunch. “How am I going to finish this now?” He pushed away his plate. 

Ben laughed. “Does it bother you when I talk about having sex with men Jay?” He asked. Jay rubbed his nose, and sighed. 

“I’ve got no problem with you, I never did, but I do not, I DO NOT,” He repeated, “want to hear the details of the things you get up to..” Jay waved his finger in the air for emphasis. 

Ben sighed, and filled his mouth again. “Spoiled sport.” Jay looked around the cafe. Place was pretty empty for dinner time rush. 

“We don’t have that kind of relationship, now do we?” He continued. He took another bite of his sandwich. It still tasted the same. Ben looked up at him sadly. 

“It it because I’ve fucked every girl you’ve ever been with?” Ben smiled. Jay frowned at him. 

“You have not! What about Ruby?” He grumbled. 

“Please, her panties were already half off when you showed up.” Ben laughed. “Too easy a score.” 

“Why am I listening to this?” Jay snapped. He didn’t like the way the conversation was going. He sighed. “I’m gonna head back yea?” He grabbed his coat off the empty chair beside him. Ben looked at him disappointed. 

“For what it’s worth none of them meant anything.” He said, apologetically. Jay watched as a devilish smile spread across his face. “The thing is I’m gay!” 

“Alright, I’m off!” Jay jumped to his feet. Ben laughed. “See you later!” 

“Ignoring it doesn’t make it not true.” Ben called after him. He said that a bit louder than he’d intended. He glanced around the cafe. Several people were looking at him. He just laughed harder, and returned his attention to his pancakes. Whatever! 

……………………

“Do you mind if I head off a little early today?” Callum asked. Jay looked up from the papers he was reading. 

“No, go on!” He said. They were closing in 30 minutes anyway. Callum paused, and instead of leaving, he sat down. 

“Actually, you got a minute?” He asked. Jay nodded.

“Yeah.” He sat back in his chair. 

“I want to tell Ben something, but I don’t know how.” He said.

“You find it hard to talk to him?” Jay asked. 

“No, nothing like that.” Callum grimaced. “I just worry he won’t be as excited as I am.” Jay nodded in understanding. 

“Tell him with your clothes off. Anything you say will excite him.” Jay said. Callum opened his mouth and closed it again. He looked at the carpet, and thought about it. Maybe? 

…………………………

“Thanks for waiting for me.” Ben sat down across from Callum sheepishly. Callum looked at him confused. Ben leaned in and gave him a peck on the lips. He pulled back just enough to look into his eyes and smile. 

“You’re not that late.” Callum shrugged. Thirty minutes wasn’t long at all for him. “Gave me time to have a chat with Whit.” Ben sat back in his chair, and nodded. Whit. Not his favorite subject. 

“Everything alright?” He asked, hoping to God the next thirty minutes wasn’t going to be wasted discussing things he couldn’t care less about. 

“Nothing she can’t work out.” Callum smiled. Ben let out a breath, and returned his smile. He reached for Callum’s hand, and brought it onto his lap, holding it protectively close to his body. With his other hand he took a mouthful from the bottle of beer that Callum had on the table waiting for him. 

“And the rest of your day?” Ben asked. He shifted to get comfortable, preparing himself to listen. Callum didn’t disappoint. He proceeded to tell Ben all that happened at Coker’s during the day, finishing off with Jay and Lola’s mid-afternoon booty call. 

“I’m afraid I’m going to walk in on them someday. How is that going to help us all be friends?” He asked, shaking his head. Ben couldn’t help but chuckle at Callum’s mortification of walking in on them with their pants down. 

“If that happens Babe,” Ben said, trying to keep a straight face. “You can tell me everything. It’s been a while. I don’t really remember how straight folks do it.” Callum smiled.

“Shut up!” He grumbled. He kicked Ben’s foot under the table. “I don’t want to see them like that!” Callum exclaimed. Ben kissed the back of Callums hand. 

“Do you want me to talk to my brother? Tell him how close he came to having an unplanned threesome this afternoon?” Ben asked. Callum sat back pulling his hand with Bens across his thigh. Ben clutched it. He didn’t want to let go. Callum drank his beer, and sighed. 

“No, don’t say a word.” He finally answered. Ben nodded. Mums the word. He caressed Callum’s hand for a moment letting himself relax. “You ok?” Callum asked.

“Long day.” He sighed. “Too many hard to please customers.” 

“Did you put your charm on pause?” Callum asked. Ben rolled his eyes. How was he supposed to charm hard ass straight criminals. 

“Straight men.” He shrugged. Callum nodded. 

“The only people you can’t get the pants off of.” Callum said, playfully. Ben smiled and looked at him adoringly. 

“You understand me so well Babe. How am I supposed to satisfy them?” Callum cracked up. 

“Ben Mitchell. Leaving Walford truly satisfied.” Callum said, with his hand in the air swiping across an invisible banner. 

“Well you do don’t you?” Ben asked. His voice had dropped to that level where Callum felt like woman struggling to keep her panties on when all they wanted to do was hit the floor. He bit his bottom lip, and shifted in the chair. 

“No complaints.” He agreed, wagging his eyebrows at his lover. Ben moved in his chair so he could lean over twice as close to Callum. 

“If you leave with me right now, I promise to spend the whole night satisfying you.” He held Callum’s hand back close to his body. Callum closed his eyes. There goes a few more hundred thousand brain cells. 

“The whole night?” He asked, opening his eyes. Ben was so close staring deep into him. 

“I won’t stop until we have to drag our asses into the shower Babe!” Ben laughed. A horny Callum was a fucking hot Callum. One of the many things that made him perfect for Ben.

Callum leaned closer and kissed Ben. Ben made a sound in the back of his throat that made Callum melt. He pulled back and whispered. “Let’s go then!” 

They were up on the feet in an instant. Ben, still holding Callum’s hand lead them to the door. He stepped outside and turned around. “Didn’t you want to talk to me about something Babe?” He asked, just remembering. 

Callum nodded. “Oh, it’s nothing. I’ve decided to join the police. That’s all.” Ben froze as his words sunk in. 

“Wait! You what?” He asked

“First take my clothes off,” Callum said, moving tight to Ben’s side. “And then, I’ll tell you again naked.” He squeezed his hand. Ben stared at him bewildered. He let Callum guide him toward him. 

“Yeah ok.” He said. That was one promise that he would make sure he kept.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Are you ready for chapter 2?   
Let's go!

Callum snuggled into Ben’s chest tighter loving the feel of his hand on his head. Ben sighed, closing his eyes. “You were just joking before weren’t ya Babe? You don’t really want to become a copper do you?”

Callum shifted just enough so he could look into Ben’s eyes without having to detach himself from his side. “Yes Ben, I’m serious. I want to do something more with my life.” Ben’s hand dropped to the bed, and his eyes trailed off to the side. Callum watched his eyebrows tighten. The afterglow was broken. 

“Why Callum, why?” Ben pleaded. “We’ve got a good thing going here, or is this just all in my head too? You decided you want to do this and the hell with everything else.” 

“Hey! Don’t you dare do that!” Callum said. He scrambled to sit up, and moved completely back from Ben. Ben’s arm stretched out as soon as he felt the loss but Callum was already out of reach. “Why are you being like this Ben? Why can’t this be a good thing? Why can’t you just support me?” 

Ben looked at his boyfriend. Callum was upset. His Callum. His eyes dropped to Callum’s chest. He was deflated. “Anything else Babe I would support you, but not this. It’s not you. You don’t really want to be old bill.” Ben said. “You’ve got a career with Jay. It’s a good job. It pays well. You don’t want to leave it?” 

“Who am I to you Ben?” He asked. Ben’s gaze shot back to his at his words. “A fool who doesn’t know why you’re really upset right now? I know why it’s so important to you that I stay working there? Keep me busy with the dead so I don’t see what the living are up to, isn’t that right?”

Callum paused but Ben didn’t say anything. No part of him didn’t think that Callum didn’t know that he sat on the other side of the fence when it came to what’s legal. “It’s a job Ben, that’s all.” Callum continued. “Yea, I love working with Jay and helping people say goodbye to their loved one, but it doesn’t fulfill me.” Ben stared at Callum’s face. Apparently he didn’t either. 

“OK, let’s slow down. Let’s take the time to think about this some more.” Ben’s head was spinning a bit. There’s no way in hell that his father was going to on board with this. This could ruin the man in Walford. “We don’t need to make any decisions right now, do we?” Ben smiled. 

“No, you want the time to make me change my mind?” Callum ticked his finger in the air. Ben sighed. He could see this was going to a fight. 

“No, I don’t,” He said. “But that doesn’t mean that I’m not going to try. I can try can’t I?” Callum shook his head in defiance. Ben moved on the bed so he could caress Callum’s side. 

“Don’t treat me like I’m stupid Ben, I know that some of the things you do are a little bit dodgy.” Callum said. “When I was with Whit every time I saw you you looked like you had just come from a new fight. New cuts and bruises on your face.” Ben smiled. That was true. 

“Clearly your cheating ways pissed off a lot of people.” Callum raised his eyebrows. Ben bit his bottom lip. Best not to get into all that. So much he couldn’t explain. Callum caught Ben’s hand and held it in his. “What you do may be criminal Ben, but you don’t have to be like that. You are worth so much more.” Ben watched as Callum brought their entwined hands to his lips and kissed the back of his hand. He wiggled his fingers wanting to touch him back. 

“What is that supposed to mean?” Ben asked. Callum looked at him with so much sadness in his eyes. Ben frowned, and looked away. 

“Do you remember what you said to me Ben?” 

“I say a lot of things.” Ben shrugged. Callum squeezed his hand, and smiled. Ain’t that the truth.

“You told me that I am my own man, and my father’s opinion doesn’t mean anything.” Callum said. “You said that..”

“It’s not the same thing Callum.” Ben interrupted. He knew where he was going and he didn’t like it. “Phil Mitchell is my father. I grew up right here in the village in that man’s shadow, with all his expectations.” Ben stopped. He tried to pull away, but Callum held his hand harder. “Being a Mitchell is the only thing I know.” 

“You are not Phil Mitchell. You are your own man.” Callum said. His voice rougher than usual. “Maybe it’s time to take your own advice and step out from your father’s shadow. Learn who Ben really is?” Ben kept his eyes on their hands. He couldn’t look at him. 

“I know who Ben is,” He said softly. Callum sucked in a deep breath. 

“So do I.” He whispered back. He looked back at Callum, Suddenly it felt as if the world had opened up and devoured him. He moved quickly and claimed Callum’s mouth as he pushed him back onto the bed. Callum went willingly, didn’t put up any protest. Callum was always Ben’s for the taking, ever since they got together and Ben loved it. 

“Are we good Ben?” Callum whispered softly. Ben closed his eyes as he moved down Callum’s body, leaving a wet path with his tongue. He wasn’t good at all. He was losing everything he ever wanted. A love. A home. Callum. 

…………………………………………………..

Ben stared at his plate like it was his tomb. Jay was talking to him, but he wasn’t hearing a word. He was a million miles away. He had slipped out of Callum’s place in the middle of the night, and come back to his father’s to crash on the couch. So far this morning Callum had texted him more than a dozen times asking where he was. 

“Come on!” Jay prodded. “What happened?” Ben shook his head, and dropped his fork onto the table. He hasn’t felt this bad in a long time. He had sworn he’d never let someone so close to him again but here he was. Promise breaker! 

“Don’t matter.” Ben shrugged. He stood up, and brought his plate to the counter. “I’m getting kinda used to loss,” Too damn used to it. He rubbed the back of his neck. He was tired. The couch didn’t allow him much sleep, nor did his mind. 

“What did you lose?” Jay asked. He was at his brother’s side. Concerned and a little confused. It was a full time job for Jay just to keep informed with the ups and downs of his brother’s life. “Is Phil at it again ?” 

Ben looked at him. He really wished he could say yes. “Hard to lose what I never really had Jay.” Jay frowned, and rubbed his back. 

“Of course you have him. He’s still your dad Ben. Is it Kathy then?” Jay asked. It was a very short list of people who Ben gave a shit about so Jay knew he was sure to get one of these right very soon. 

“It’s not mom.” Ben sighed turning around. He leaned back against the counter. “It’s Callum.” Jay looked at him, his expression demanding a further explanation. 

“Things aren’t going to work out between us. It's no big deal.” Ben reached for his coffee mug on the table. He wondered if he could fill his coffee with vodka without Jay noticing. He looked at his brother as he contemplated it. Probably not. 

“How long till you’re swapping that out for something stronger?” Jay grumbled. Every time Ben went into a depression, which was often, he was the one who took the brunt and picked up the pieces of his brother. “What happened?” Ben scoffed and shook his head. Jay knew him too damn well sometimes and he didn’t want to talk to him about it. 

“Has he found someone else?” Ben looked at him as if that was the stupidest thing he’d ever heard. “Right. Sorry.” Jay amended. He raised his hands in defeat. Hell if he knew!

“He wants to be a copper Jay.” Ben sighed. Jay cocked his head to the side and stared at his brother confused. 

“Wait, Callum wants to be a copper?” He asked. Ben shrugged. 

“Yes, he’s made it quite clear. He wants to join the police.” Ben finished his coffee and laid the mug next to his plate. Jay put his hand to his face, gave a thoughtful look, then busted out laughing. 

“What in the hell is funny here Jay?” Ben asked, clearly annoyed by his reaction. “I’m glad that my life entertains you so much.” Jay flapped his hand in the air, and tried unsuccessfully to get his laughing under control. 

“Oh come on!” He said. He gave Ben’s shoulder a little shove. “Nothing in this world would piss Phil off more. Tell me that doesn’t make you happy?” Ben glared at him.

“Not everything is about pissing my old man off Jay. My relationship with Callum has nothing to do with him. It’s not about him Jay, it’s about..” He stopped realizing what he was just about to say. Jay’s face went serious in a heartbeat. 

“It’s about you letting go of the life you had with Paul, and falling in love again.” Jay said, softly. Ben shook his head. He really did not want to go there. He couldn’t talk about this, not even with Jay. 

“Look, you knew this was going to happen. You liked him enough to stand by him and let him make a horrible decision.” Jay resumed rubbing his back. “Callum is lucky to have you. You could have destroyed them at any time but you didn’t. You kept his secret even though you wanted him for yourself.” Ben looked at him. 

“I’m proud of you for that. Everyone thinks that you’re this ruthless hard man but you’re not.” Jay smiled. “Not really.” 

“What the hell am I going to do with a copper Jay?” Ben asked. His voice sounded as small as he felt. 

“What you do is you clean up your act and then you go straight.” Jay shrugged. Ben looked him straight in the eyes, and raised an eyebrow. “You know what I mean. You leave it all behind and ride off into the sunset with your man in blue.” Jay smirked. Ben pushed off the counter and headed for the door.

“Thanks for the help Bro!” Ben snapped. Jay rushed to his side as Ben pulled the door open. He pushed it shut again. 

“”Don’t be like that.” He said. Ben pulled the door open again with force. 

“I’m late for work.” He said. 

“I’ll come with you.” Jay said. Ben rolled his eyes and left. Jay shut the door behind them and smiled to himself as he followed his brother to the car lot. 

……………………………………………

“First you disappear in the middle of the night, then you ignore more than 20 texts I sent. Is this you avoiding me now?” Callum accused as he stormed through the door. Ben looked around the trailer, then straight at Callum as he sat down at the other side of his desk.

“This is my place of work.” He pointed out, accenting the words as if he was speaking a foreign language. Now he wished he had answered him. He should’ve known that he’d just barge in like this. 

Callum scoffed. “Oh please! You come here when you’re avoiding shit you don’t want to deal with.” Ben looked at him sideways. Damn that black suit. How was Ben supposed to stand his ground when he sat there looking like that?

“No, I don’t.” He said. He hadn’t noticed. He didn’t care.

“Yes, you do!” Callum assured him. “And right now you don’t want to deal with me. Why did you disappear like that Ben?” 

“I didn’t disappear. I remembered I had to be somewhere.” Ben smiled at him. He picked up his ball and threw it up over his head.

“We need to work this out Ben. I’m not going anywhere.” Callum said. Ben sighed and tossed his ball into the air again. When you come to realize who I really am, you will he thought sadly. 

“There’s nothing to work out. You’re going to be a copper, isn’t that right?” Ben said. 

“Why is this such a bad thing? Or are you just looking for a reason to rid yourself of me?” Callum demanded. 

“Ok, let’s start at the top; Phil Mitchell. My family.” Ben avoided looking at him, the ball had all of his attention. 

“I told you I don’t care about your father Ben.” Callum said. Now he was the one annoyed. “It’s starting to feel like you’re using him as a way to break up with me.”

“I’m not breaking up with you Callum, but care or not, he’s never going to stand for his son being in bed with a…” Ben jerked his shoulders forward for emphasis “copper.” 

“Since when the hell do you even give a damn what he thinks? From the stories I’ve heard you’ve spent the greater part of your life being anyone but who he wants you to be.” Callum demanded. Ben looked at him. 

“Ever since I tried so hard to be straight for him, you mean?” Ben said. “My dad not accepting that his son is gay isn’t the issue here Callum. I am a part of his life. He let me into his world, and there is no room in that world for a copper.” Callum sat back and shook his head at him. 

“Are you saying that there’s no room in your life for me?” Callum asked. 

“As a copper? Maybe in the car boot?” Ben said. 

“Everything's a joke to you isn’t it? Are we just a joke to you too?” Callum snapped back. Ben kept the ball tight in his hand. There it was again. The question. 

“You asked me the same thing last night.” The words were out of Ben’s mouth before he could stop himself. Callum looked at him confused. 

“Asked you what?” 

“You asked me what you are to me.” Ben looked at him, and saw as he too remembered the question. 

“I didn’t mean it like that.” Callum said, avoiding his eyes. Ben threw his ball back in the air. 

“Who's the coward now?” He scoffed. 

“We don’t need to have that conversation.” Callum said. Ben shut his eyes. Why did everything in him want to have it? 

“Because you’re afraid of the answer, isn’t that right?” He taunted. Ben looked right at him, leaving him nowhere to hide. Callum stared back bared to the bones, and Ben saw the fear there. Fear that he knew was mirrored in his own eyes. 

“Are you going to answer me then?” Callum asked. Ben thought about it. He thought about taking the chance and let everything out, but then just as fast his walls came back up to protect him. 

“No, you’re right. We don’t need to have that conversation.” He said repeating Callum’s words. 

Callum shook his head in disgust as he leapt to his feet. “The hell with you Ben. I don’t need you getting inside of my head, and messing with me. I’m going back to work.” Ben was watching him amused. He hit a nerve! 

“Call me later!” He called after him as the door slammed. He frowned, and whipped the ball at the door. This was just getting worse and worse. 

…………………………………………………..

Lola was reaching her breaking point very quickly with a drunk assed Ben. “What in the hell is wrong with you? What if Lexi came down here and saw you like this?” 

Ben glared at her and took several mouthfuls from the bottle of vodka he was physically attached to at the moment. “Maybe it’s best that she gets to know who her old man really is now, so that it won’t come as such a shock when I keep falling off the wagon when she’s older.” 

Lola wrestled the bottle from his grasp, and slammed it down on the coffee table. “This is not who you are, this is you feeling sorry for yourself and doing a piss poor job of it.” she snapped. 

“Ouch!” Ben said, offended. 

“What in the hell did you do now?” Lola asked. “Does Phil hate you again?” Ben avoided her eyes. Why does everyone keep going back to his relationship with his father? There are more people in his life than his father. 

“Hold on, is this about Callum? Did you do something to push him away?” She asked, the surprise clear in her voice. “Are things getting serious with him?” 

“No, shut up!” He snapped ,and lunged for the vodka. She was a second faster and snatched it out of his reach. “What the hell makes you so sure that it was me, maybe it was Callum that fucked up? Ever thought of that?”

“You’re going to have to try harder than that.” She said. He huffed, and flopped back in the armchair.

“I’m not trying a damn thing. It’s none of your business.” He said. Lola frowned. He was well on his way to kick off at any moment. She didn’t want that to happen. He’d wake Lexi up for sure. 

“Is this about Paul?” She asked softer. Ben scoffed at her. 

“Not unless someone else named Paul told Callum to join the fucking police force.” Ben lunged for the bottle again, and got it on the account of Lola being temporarily distracted. 

“Really? He wants to join the police?” Lola asked. He shot her a look. As if he was fucking joking!

“He was very clear about it, yes.” Ben slumped even further down in the chair. 

“Oh wow!” She exclaimed as she took in what it meant. “So what this is really about is that you don’t want to give up your deviant ways. No more beating people into working for you, and you’ll have to stop trying to kill Phil too.”

Ben scoffed. “I was justified every time I tried. Why is this all on me? Why am I the one who’s got to give up everything? I like my life. I’ve worked damn hard to create it.” 

“So keep it. Dump him, and keep your great life.” She dared him

“Thanks for that!” He frowned. Why was he even talking to her? She was rarely much help. 

“Is this your plan to deal with it then? Get drunk off your ass and avoid everything?” She asked. He locked eyes with her and drank and drank from the bottle as she watched him in disgust. 

“Sounds about right yeah.” He slurred. She snatched it from his hand and threw it across the room. 

“Fuck you Ben!” She hissed. “Fuck you when you get like this. No one can talk to you, and you make no sense. Callum is good for you, and it's obvious that you really care about him. For once in your miserable life how about you put all your energy into not fucking this up for yourself?” She got up, and left him alone sulking and drunk in the chair. He crawled the four steps to the couch, crawled onto it and turned his back to her, and the rest of the world. 

…………………………………………….

Callum was staring down into his glass. He had been sitting at the Vic for hours now talking himself out of getting drunk out of his bloody head. The only thing that was clear was that being sober was overrated that was for damn sure. 

“That’s probably not going to help you.” Callum turned his head and frowned at his brother. The last person in the world he wanted to see right now was sitting in the seat next to him. 

“Leave me be.” He said and resumed staring into his glass. He watched as Stuart’s hand reached for it and took it out of his reach. He didn’t even have the energy it would take to stop him, besides he was sitting at a bar. He could just get another one. 

“Want to talk about it?” Stuart asked. He waited patiently for him to answer. When it was clear that he wasn’t going to he tried again. 

“If you would like to talk about it.” Stuart repeated. 

“I don’t; talking isn’t going to fix it.” Callum snapped. Stuart frowned. He didn’t have to ask. He already knew what the problem was. “No, it wasn’t him. It was me.” He added knowing full well where Stuart’s mind was going to. 

“I find that a little hard to believe.” Stuart said. 

“Believe it. Don’t believe it. I don’t care. It’s the truth.” Callum snapped back. Why wasn’t he just leaving him alone. 

“What did you do?” He prodded gently. Callum gave him a look that clearly said as if I’m going to tell you. Stuart sighed. 

“Well is there a way that you can fix it?” He asked. Callum clicked his tongue. He wanted both; Ben and being a cop. Why couldn’t he have both?

“I don’t see how without giving up something that I really want to do.” Callum admitted sadly. Could he give up what he wanted to keep Ben? The thought scared him a bit. Would it only be this or was he in a relationship where he would always be the one to have to give things up?

“Well maybe you just need to talk to him more about it?” Stuart suggested. Ben Mitchell was far from his favorite person but he really did want to help his little brother. 

“I tried that. It didn’t work.” Callum raised his head and stared straight ahead. 

Stuart braced himself to say the last thing he wanted to. “Maybe I could talk to him?” He offered. Callum looked at him like he just said the stupidest thing he’d ever heard. . 

“How’s that going to help?” He asked. “You beat him up remember? He hates you.” 

“I don’t know.” Stuart sighed. “I just want to help you.” Callum turned back to staring straight ahead. He didn’t want help. He wanted Ben to see himself the way he did. He was worth so much more than he gave himself credit for. It broke Callum’s heart that Ben thought of himself to be so cheap and unworthy. 

“Then leave me alone.” He said. 

“I don’t want to do that.” Stuart said. Callum sighed. Of course he didn’t. Silence fell between them and then the silence all around them was deafening. Callum felt like he was on the railroad tracks waiting and waiting for the train to come that would tear him into a thousand pieces. 

He closed his eyes. He realized that’s what breaking up with Ben would do to him. It would tear him apart. What did that mean? Why would it hurt so much? 

“Will you at least let me take you home?” Stuart asked, pulling Callum from his thoughts. He stared blankly at his brother. 

“I have to think.” He said. He had to know why he felt the way he did. 

“You can think at home. I won’t stay. You can have the whole place to yourself to think until you pass out, but don’t stay here.” Stuart pleaded. Callum realized it was a good idea. If he stayed here, he was sure to regret it. 

“Yeah, alright,” He agreed. “But you go. I want to be alone.” 

“Promise.” Stuart said pleased. He stood up and held out a hand for Callum. Callum didn’t take his help, and walked out of the Vic ahead of him. Stuart sighed and followed close behind. 

…………………………………..

Thirty minutes later Callum was sprawled out on the sofa drinking his second beer with plans of drinking a dozen more. He closed his eyes, and remembered the first time he had ever kissed Ben. He had never felt like that before. It felt so right to be so close to him. Callum touched his lips with his fingertips. He sighed. His Ben. 

His phone rang that special ring telling him someone was at the door. He groaned. Why couldn’t Stuart just leave him to wallow in his misery? The phone kept ringing. Callum stood up and stomped over to the wall. He grabbed the receiver. 

“What in the hell happened to leaving me the hell alone?” He snapped at the piece of plastic in his hand. 

“Don’t be like that. Let me in!” Ben snapped back at him. 

Callum straightened up. “Ben?” He said, and buzzed him in. He hung the phone back up and tried to get his bearings before their next confrontation. Ben practically fell in the porch and doorway, then in front of Callum. Callum lunged to grab him before he fell across the floor. 

“Ben?” He said, startled. “How in the hell did you even manage to get here like this?” Ben grabbed handfuls of his shirt and used him to stand back up straight. 

“I don’t want you to be a copper.” He said abruptly. Callum frowned. Here we go! 

“Yeah, I got that but it’s what I want to do with my life.” He said. Ben raised his hand pointing a finger at him but before he could speak he wobbled, almost losing his balance and falling over. Callum reached out to steady him. 

Ben swatted his hand away. “Dont!” Callum looked at him wounded. He slipped his hands into the front pockets of his jeans and kept staring at Ben. “What am I suppose to do now Callum? I don’t know what to do?” 

“Get into bed and sleep it off?” Callum suggested. 

“I don’t want to get into bed with you.” Ben pouted and staggered around a little more. Callum was getting very irritated very fast. 

“Then go sleep on the couch, or sleep in the bloody bathtub for all I care.” He snapped. Ben suddenly looked like he was about to cry. Callum took the five steps that stood between them and held him loosely by the arms just in case he fell over again. 

“I didn’t mean that.” He said, a lot softer. “I don’t want you to sleep on the couch. I want you to come to bed with me.” Ben laughed at his words. 

“No you don’t. You want some version of me that you conjured up inside your head, you don’t want the real me at all.” Ben said sadly. Callum was quite impressed his vocabulary was so good seen as he could just barely stand. 

“You stupid idiot!” Callum growled and kissed Ben. Ben moaned and returned Callum’s fierceness with his own. Their teeth clicked as Callum was kissed him harder and harder. Ben’s hands were in Callum’s scalp scratching him. Callum didn’t much care if he tore his head apart at the moment. . 

“Callum!” Ben gasped. “Callum!” He tried to push Callum back enough so he could breathe, but Callum wasn’t backing off. His fingers were undoing Ben’s pants. Ben grabbed his hands, and took over getting his pants out of the way. Callum went to his own pants. 

“Callum!” Ben breathed. He was able to break free but then Callum was back on him again just as fast. He had his pants down just over his buttocks when Callum grabbed him, spun him around and put him up against the wall with a hard thud. Ben exhaled on impact. 

Callum entered him so fast that Ben didn’t have the time to even process what was about to happen before he was full of Callum. “Babe!” He laughed. Callum responded by putting his hand against his head and held it against the wall. 

“This gives a whole new meaning to being frisked.” Ben said. Callum wasted no time. He had Ben nailed firmly against the wall, and he started pounding him hard. Ben was so dizzy. The room spun all around him. 

“Babe!” He moaned. Callum came right against his ear letting Ben hear his pleasure. “Oh my God!” He groaned. It was as if every cell of his body was ignited on fire. He felt so much. He felt Callum everywhere, and the room kept spinning and spinning. 

He couldn’t move an inch. He was trapped, but Callum was right there. All around him, and deep inside of him. He felt so much pleasure he started to scream. He was falling, falling…. Callum’s body fit perfectly again with no room between them. They were one. “I love you!” He gasped. “Callum I love you!”

Behind him Callum stopped. The room went dead silent around them.

**Author's Note:**

> Talk to me! What do you think?


End file.
